![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Argh. Its been a real fucking weird week and i should start from the top but its gonna go downhill
Friday, post entry, i got my pedicure. The tech, well i dont mean to out him but hes trans but keeps calling me GIRL so i wore a genderfluid button and a binder hoping he'd catch a hint and stop calling me girl, but no dice. i should, yanno, just say something. but thats hard.
I came home and just watched anime. Just a normal like wind-down and went to sleep. but I woke up in SO MUCH PAIN. My toe felt like it had an ingrown in it or something. it was so terribly painful. I knew he had poked my nail bed but this was painful. I soaked it. It still hurt. Finally i showered and dug out a piece of nail under my nail. I don't blame the nail tech for it. since i have nails recovering from a fungus, bits come off in scales a lot. it just sucked. i got like 4 hours of sleep that night.
I went to silks class and really just struggled. idk why. Walked over to the brewery. Hung out a little bit but left after hanging out a little while with Z. At home I mostly did nothing... I think i watched more MHA. Mike and J had made plans sometime that afternoon so they swang by, we picked up Z and we went to oddwood. I like hanging out with Mike and J a whole bunch.
sunday was real chill. i watched football, Z went to his buddy's kids first bday party. I would have gone but i jsut wasnt feeling it and didnt want to miss the packers game. Z came back, we watched the cowboys. we both won, which both our teams desperately needed. we'll see if things can keep trending in the right direction.
work is getting a little slower. the upgrade rush is fading and finally ive taken care of most of my upgrade failures. im returning focus on the dev test, although im getting a new work laptop so i think that'll come first, then studying. the dev test is hard, but 3rd times a charm hopefully.
the kitties... aren't faring much better. Blue's poops start more solid, i guess, but still are liquid and bloody at the end. Skittles is just complete liquid. its not getting any better and im worried about her. They have an appointment Monday but I'm just worried. I love her. I dont really have any means to get her to the vet any other days. And it isnt too long till Monday.
hormonally i still feel... weirder than usual, but more stable. So I guess I'm mostly back to normal. Anything else I need to work through myself. if it gets extra bad i can consider therapy/counselling but rn i feel mostly on top of things. Ish.
Monday Z and I fought over taco seasoning. lol. like he was so mad we were out of garlic powder and i said we could make our own taco seasoning instead of buying a packet. then he was like "this is for bulk" and i was like "its barely over a tablespoon" and i proved him wrong. he was so mad but he wouldnt, like, fix shit. like i can make tacos, i can go buy garlic powder, i can go buy a packet. what do you want? lets fix it instead of you stomping and slamming. ugh. esp while im on the phone with customers and working. gods. it was a dumb fight. we quickly apologised. i dont like how we've been fighting more. when he worked 3rd shift we never saw each other so we rarely fought. i hope we dont fight this often. maybe we're still adjusting.
That brings me to yesterday. I worked. did silks. struggled as per usual and then went to pick up Z at the brewery because they were having a bottleshare.
This requires some back story. And I'm going to fudge the names in case this gets around.
Z works at the brewery. This guy J works at the brewery. J is real cool. He's punk rock and we have a lot in common. We've started getting close. S is new to the brewery. I actually know S's brother from a past job of mine.
Okay so a week ago was S's first day at the brewery. Afterwards they all went out to a different brewery just to hang out afterwards.
At any rate, so at the bottleshare, S pulls me aside with Z and explains that after the other brewery a week ago, J invited S over. Under the guise J's girlfriend was there. S was nice and thought getting to know J would be cool and was like sure. But it was just them and J was real fucking creepy and pushy. S was scared and pressed record and put her phone in her pocket. I heard the video. Its incredibly fucked up. S is audibly uncomfortable and J is forcefully telling her to "relax" and shit.
This happened a week ago but we just were told this last night. So after I learn this, I'm a little disturbed but trying to act like everything is fine. J is still at the bottleshare. And J comes up from behind as if to put an arm around me and grabs my boob. I give him a death stare and sort of, like, brush off my boob and hes like "boob graze" and then laughed about it. I walked away to find Z.
before knowing that story, i'd've probably doubted myself and assumed it was an accident. even tho adults know where boobs are. but knowing that story, i know its not.
Additionally S was going to get some low-fill cans and he outright grabbed her boobs saying "boob grab"? or something like that.
Additionally he told one of the brewers that there are "a lot of boobs here tonight". which is p fuckin creepy.
J is getting fired but man I fucking liked that guy. I thought he was pretty fucking cool and we had a lot in common and i trusted him. I fucking trusted him and he betrayed me. All punk dudes are scum.
I had problems sleeping last night. Just didnt feel safe. i wanted to hide. I guess i needed to parse it more. But Viktor was up and helped me up. For as much emotional labor as I have done for him, he always does the same for me.
I'm mostly just mad. Fuck J for being a fucking predator. Fuck all punk dudes forever.
also i wonder if he's monogamous or not. he either tried to cheat on his gf or didn't, you know. but that's sort of the least of my concerns rn.
And Z will also have to pick up his shifts. that's also not really a huge concern but its something and it kinda sucks.
So yeah. Im feeling better today. But im sort of touch and go. just trying to take care of me rn.
Friday, post entry, i got my pedicure. The tech, well i dont mean to out him but hes trans but keeps calling me GIRL so i wore a genderfluid button and a binder hoping he'd catch a hint and stop calling me girl, but no dice. i should, yanno, just say something. but thats hard.
I came home and just watched anime. Just a normal like wind-down and went to sleep. but I woke up in SO MUCH PAIN. My toe felt like it had an ingrown in it or something. it was so terribly painful. I knew he had poked my nail bed but this was painful. I soaked it. It still hurt. Finally i showered and dug out a piece of nail under my nail. I don't blame the nail tech for it. since i have nails recovering from a fungus, bits come off in scales a lot. it just sucked. i got like 4 hours of sleep that night.
I went to silks class and really just struggled. idk why. Walked over to the brewery. Hung out a little bit but left after hanging out a little while with Z. At home I mostly did nothing... I think i watched more MHA. Mike and J had made plans sometime that afternoon so they swang by, we picked up Z and we went to oddwood. I like hanging out with Mike and J a whole bunch.
sunday was real chill. i watched football, Z went to his buddy's kids first bday party. I would have gone but i jsut wasnt feeling it and didnt want to miss the packers game. Z came back, we watched the cowboys. we both won, which both our teams desperately needed. we'll see if things can keep trending in the right direction.
work is getting a little slower. the upgrade rush is fading and finally ive taken care of most of my upgrade failures. im returning focus on the dev test, although im getting a new work laptop so i think that'll come first, then studying. the dev test is hard, but 3rd times a charm hopefully.
the kitties... aren't faring much better. Blue's poops start more solid, i guess, but still are liquid and bloody at the end. Skittles is just complete liquid. its not getting any better and im worried about her. They have an appointment Monday but I'm just worried. I love her. I dont really have any means to get her to the vet any other days. And it isnt too long till Monday.
hormonally i still feel... weirder than usual, but more stable. So I guess I'm mostly back to normal. Anything else I need to work through myself. if it gets extra bad i can consider therapy/counselling but rn i feel mostly on top of things. Ish.
Monday Z and I fought over taco seasoning. lol. like he was so mad we were out of garlic powder and i said we could make our own taco seasoning instead of buying a packet. then he was like "this is for bulk" and i was like "its barely over a tablespoon" and i proved him wrong. he was so mad but he wouldnt, like, fix shit. like i can make tacos, i can go buy garlic powder, i can go buy a packet. what do you want? lets fix it instead of you stomping and slamming. ugh. esp while im on the phone with customers and working. gods. it was a dumb fight. we quickly apologised. i dont like how we've been fighting more. when he worked 3rd shift we never saw each other so we rarely fought. i hope we dont fight this often. maybe we're still adjusting.
That brings me to yesterday. I worked. did silks. struggled as per usual and then went to pick up Z at the brewery because they were having a bottleshare.
This requires some back story. And I'm going to fudge the names in case this gets around.
Z works at the brewery. This guy J works at the brewery. J is real cool. He's punk rock and we have a lot in common. We've started getting close. S is new to the brewery. I actually know S's brother from a past job of mine.
Okay so a week ago was S's first day at the brewery. Afterwards they all went out to a different brewery just to hang out afterwards.
At any rate, so at the bottleshare, S pulls me aside with Z and explains that after the other brewery a week ago, J invited S over. Under the guise J's girlfriend was there. S was nice and thought getting to know J would be cool and was like sure. But it was just them and J was real fucking creepy and pushy. S was scared and pressed record and put her phone in her pocket. I heard the video. Its incredibly fucked up. S is audibly uncomfortable and J is forcefully telling her to "relax" and shit.
This happened a week ago but we just were told this last night. So after I learn this, I'm a little disturbed but trying to act like everything is fine. J is still at the bottleshare. And J comes up from behind as if to put an arm around me and grabs my boob. I give him a death stare and sort of, like, brush off my boob and hes like "boob graze" and then laughed about it. I walked away to find Z.
before knowing that story, i'd've probably doubted myself and assumed it was an accident. even tho adults know where boobs are. but knowing that story, i know its not.
Additionally S was going to get some low-fill cans and he outright grabbed her boobs saying "boob grab"? or something like that.
Additionally he told one of the brewers that there are "a lot of boobs here tonight". which is p fuckin creepy.
J is getting fired but man I fucking liked that guy. I thought he was pretty fucking cool and we had a lot in common and i trusted him. I fucking trusted him and he betrayed me. All punk dudes are scum.
I had problems sleeping last night. Just didnt feel safe. i wanted to hide. I guess i needed to parse it more. But Viktor was up and helped me up. For as much emotional labor as I have done for him, he always does the same for me.
I'm mostly just mad. Fuck J for being a fucking predator. Fuck all punk dudes forever.
also i wonder if he's monogamous or not. he either tried to cheat on his gf or didn't, you know. but that's sort of the least of my concerns rn.
And Z will also have to pick up his shifts. that's also not really a huge concern but its something and it kinda sucks.
So yeah. Im feeling better today. But im sort of touch and go. just trying to take care of me rn.
