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Nov. 23rd, 2020 07:30 amsaturday i was high and just listening to music. And then my computer just fucking crashed. It was weird, because the song finished before it completely finished crashing, which was considerate, I guess.
My computer used to crash all the time. No big deal. Just restart it. whatever, whatever.
Oh, its full of weird ass graphical glitches.
And, it can't seem to start.
Well... thats a problem for a less-high-me. Yesterday, I spent all day troubleshooting the motherfucking thing. I believe its an issue with the graphics card. My processor doesn't have on-board graphics. It, does, however, work if I boot into maintenance mode with no video drivers. Idk.
A local bud said i could borrow his extra video card and see what's what. I'm mostly just sort of exhausted.
Like, ok, the computer is falling apart. my life is falling apart. itd be cool if i could just listen to music on my stupid computer.
i got a new phone. it should be here eventually. its the latest iphone. normally, i go for an older model, but since its through the phone company, you just pay a bit every month. the latest iphone is only a couple bucks more than the last one. So, fine. Again, though, the big model has the better camera. Which means my tiny hands will have to work hard. Oh well.
this weekend we didnt really do anything. Which is good, the rona is getting real fucking spooky again. We did pop by book people though because we needed to make an exchange (they sent us the wrong book in an online order). I bought some books because if i was going to risk my life going into a store, i might as well make it worth my time.
therapy starts tomorrow. im excited and anxious. i havent slept all week. i dont know if thats related or not. I wonder if my depression would be better if I could fucking sleep. Z has been... obviously a little frustrated with dealing with me. he says i treat every minor inconvenience like a cataclysm. still, hes sweet and gentle with me. he told me that he wished id stop pushing him away. i keep pushing everyone away. why am i doing that?
We leave for big bend on wednesday. i'm honestly pretty excited. i need a little vacation. and we'll mostly be away from everyone. it should be nice/good. hopefully, maybe, my anxiety and stuff will feel better.
I'm so worried I'm making all this up. Like, if I just willed it harder, I would be better. but it doesn't work. i have to stop doubting myself. keep moving forward.
My computer used to crash all the time. No big deal. Just restart it. whatever, whatever.
Oh, its full of weird ass graphical glitches.
And, it can't seem to start.
Well... thats a problem for a less-high-me. Yesterday, I spent all day troubleshooting the motherfucking thing. I believe its an issue with the graphics card. My processor doesn't have on-board graphics. It, does, however, work if I boot into maintenance mode with no video drivers. Idk.
A local bud said i could borrow his extra video card and see what's what. I'm mostly just sort of exhausted.
Like, ok, the computer is falling apart. my life is falling apart. itd be cool if i could just listen to music on my stupid computer.
i got a new phone. it should be here eventually. its the latest iphone. normally, i go for an older model, but since its through the phone company, you just pay a bit every month. the latest iphone is only a couple bucks more than the last one. So, fine. Again, though, the big model has the better camera. Which means my tiny hands will have to work hard. Oh well.
this weekend we didnt really do anything. Which is good, the rona is getting real fucking spooky again. We did pop by book people though because we needed to make an exchange (they sent us the wrong book in an online order). I bought some books because if i was going to risk my life going into a store, i might as well make it worth my time.
therapy starts tomorrow. im excited and anxious. i havent slept all week. i dont know if thats related or not. I wonder if my depression would be better if I could fucking sleep. Z has been... obviously a little frustrated with dealing with me. he says i treat every minor inconvenience like a cataclysm. still, hes sweet and gentle with me. he told me that he wished id stop pushing him away. i keep pushing everyone away. why am i doing that?
We leave for big bend on wednesday. i'm honestly pretty excited. i need a little vacation. and we'll mostly be away from everyone. it should be nice/good. hopefully, maybe, my anxiety and stuff will feel better.
I'm so worried I'm making all this up. Like, if I just willed it harder, I would be better. but it doesn't work. i have to stop doubting myself. keep moving forward.
