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7 hours.
Last night after work I was crying a whole lot. We watched her last football game. It was bad lol. I was already depressed to I watched an AIDS documentary and cried some more. If you haven’t seen How to Survive a Plague it’s very good but also you know, the whole story sucks.
Cuddled in bed but placed her in her nest. I fell asleep at 130. Around 2:30 I woke up to Z crying that skittles had crawled into the bedroom again and was stuck in a corner. She looked so sad. She just wanted to sleep with us. I picked her up and put her on me. It’s our last night. I guess If she peed on me it wouldn’t matter anyway.
Z was just having a meltdown and I felt so bad I was so sleepy I did a terrible job consoling him. He just doesn’t want to say goodbye even though it’s the right thing. Then He was just up on his phone and I kept reminding him to just go to sleep. He did eventually sleep. I woke up around 4 am because I was rolling over and I knew I couldn’t with skittles on me. But she wasn’t there. She was back on her nest. I have no clue if Z put her there or if she just crawled.
I woke up at 730 which was good enough. Started cleaning up poop everywhere. I feel like especially in the last few days we’ve destroyed 100 forests with the amount of pee pads, paper towel, toilet paper, etc we have been through.
Morbidly, I’m relieved the nights are done. I kept worrying I’d find her dead. Which is fine like I’m about to put her to sleep anyway, but it’s still scary and sad. Having to figure out where she crawled off too is also heartbreaking because god she just wants to be with us. Waking up in the middle of the night worried just to check up on her. God. Tonight I might get more than 6 hours of sleep if I’m lucky. Or I’ll be so sad that I’ll just stay up crying.
I’m mad at myself for being relieved. I’m going to miss her like oxygen. She’s my light. She’s my everything. Her work is done but god oh god I will miss her. I will miss her. I will miss her.
I feel almost ok right now but I’m sure the weight will be back. The pain. The unbearable pain of saying goodbye to someone you love.
6 hours.
Last night after work I was crying a whole lot. We watched her last football game. It was bad lol. I was already depressed to I watched an AIDS documentary and cried some more. If you haven’t seen How to Survive a Plague it’s very good but also you know, the whole story sucks.
Cuddled in bed but placed her in her nest. I fell asleep at 130. Around 2:30 I woke up to Z crying that skittles had crawled into the bedroom again and was stuck in a corner. She looked so sad. She just wanted to sleep with us. I picked her up and put her on me. It’s our last night. I guess If she peed on me it wouldn’t matter anyway.
Z was just having a meltdown and I felt so bad I was so sleepy I did a terrible job consoling him. He just doesn’t want to say goodbye even though it’s the right thing. Then He was just up on his phone and I kept reminding him to just go to sleep. He did eventually sleep. I woke up around 4 am because I was rolling over and I knew I couldn’t with skittles on me. But she wasn’t there. She was back on her nest. I have no clue if Z put her there or if she just crawled.
I woke up at 730 which was good enough. Started cleaning up poop everywhere. I feel like especially in the last few days we’ve destroyed 100 forests with the amount of pee pads, paper towel, toilet paper, etc we have been through.
Morbidly, I’m relieved the nights are done. I kept worrying I’d find her dead. Which is fine like I’m about to put her to sleep anyway, but it’s still scary and sad. Having to figure out where she crawled off too is also heartbreaking because god she just wants to be with us. Waking up in the middle of the night worried just to check up on her. God. Tonight I might get more than 6 hours of sleep if I’m lucky. Or I’ll be so sad that I’ll just stay up crying.
I’m mad at myself for being relieved. I’m going to miss her like oxygen. She’s my light. She’s my everything. Her work is done but god oh god I will miss her. I will miss her. I will miss her.
I feel almost ok right now but I’m sure the weight will be back. The pain. The unbearable pain of saying goodbye to someone you love.
6 hours.
