(no subject)

[frenzy]

ive had just a vast surplus of anxiety over social media lately.

basically i get bombarded with a lot of images about doing more for BLM, etc. And I try to do what I can but then i feel like it absolutely is never enough.

and like ok so yes i get that usually these "DO MORE" memes come from folks that post 10~18 things a day.

any way, it makes me feel bad about the prospect of even posting anything that isnt social justice related. ive occasionally thought about putting on make up or clothes and taking pictures of myself, especially regarding my birthday, but i feel such an immense guilt that i could be something detracting from BLM that i stop.

this is the only place i feel free to post that im struggling or having a bad time, and honestly im grateful for it, because i barely open up to my friends. its just easier to open up in person and fuck that'll never happen again.

im absolutely petrified to tell people how i feel unless they ask. like, so many of my friends know they can text me to vent, but unless someone extends the "how are you" branch to me, i just bottle everything up. i know my friends dont want me to do that,b ut unless they are asking for it, i just dont want to burden them.

idk im depressed and sad again and my moods are swinging all over the fucking place. i dont even know exactly what is wrong with me. is this general anxiety? is it normal to be depressed when the world is so incredibly fucked? why should i take a selfie when the world is absolutely a tire fire right now?

well, thanks for listening anyway.

Comments

[ioplokon]

For what it's worth, unless you are like, a celebrity or have a large following, it doesn't really matter what you post or don't post on social media. If your friends want to be dicks because you have a life off the computer, they're probably not having much of a real-world impact either, honestly. I think the more effective approach is to take time to think about what your skills are and what you could add, and how to improve your network so you're more able to respond.

But I'm also a grumpy person who hates social media, so what do I know.

I think it's good you're opening up here to deal with that guilt and like, negative affect in healthy ways. I also think w/ the whole COVID disaster on top of everything else, it's pretty normal to have a very low mood right now. However, what low means for you could be more concerning. Are you able to reach out to a mental health pro or a talk line? That might help - if nothing else you can talk about things in a non-judgemental space.

It can be hard to form emotionally reciprocal friendships. I think one of the side effects of having people come to you with their troubles is that you know what they have on their plate and don't want to add to it. However, a lot of your friends probably don't feel that way. It might be worth testing the waters with a few people by reaching out - not everyone is reliable, but at least you can start figuring out who you can count on.

[symbioid]

1) Yes, it's absolutely normal to feel depressed when the world is on fire. It's normal to feel depressed even when it isn't on fire. But especially now. Of course I am prone to depression, but amongst a lot of my friends they are dealing with similar things emotionally. You're not alone in your sorrow.

2) There are too many fires in the world and you have to pick your battles. Further, battles are battles, not wars. Unless you're literally chilling with AntiFa soldiers every day and living and breathing "the revolution" you'll be beating yourself up like this, and even then... it won't be enough.

3) "Self care is revolutionary" as they say. We all have a finite amount of time and energy and we aren't the 20 somethings we used to be. Or maybe I'm speaking from old-grumpy-man phase.

As you noted the people who post this are the same people posting 10-18 times a day... Most of this is just a bunch of people acting shit. Not all of course, but a lot. And there's different ways to be active and support without having to constantly be "on".

Depression makes things that much harder, hence the "self care" part. I can't say what you need to do, and maybe you should push yourself to do more if that's what you really feel. But don't feel like a failure and let that feed your depression.

"If I can't dance, yada yada".... If you can't take selfies... well... What kind of revolution is that? LOL. But you know what I mean. There are very few people who utterly live the revolution every day 100% of the time.

In the end it's up to you. And you shouldn't let anyone judge you. I know this feeling well, I often feel it. And I feel like I am complicit far more than you are in this regards. Anyways, I guess if you can even find a small thing to do that won't overwhelm you is better than nothing. Ya know? Maybe solidarity letters to prisoners or... contributing bail funds or something. It doesn't have to be frontline warfare all day everyday.

<3

[sabotabby]

any way, it makes me feel bad about the prospect of even posting anything that isnt social justice related. ive occasionally thought about putting on make up or clothes and taking pictures of myself, especially regarding my birthday, but i feel such an immense guilt that i could be something detracting from BLM that i stop.

Oh, same. I mean, I do, but it's weird to be the one who is not doing anything. I gave money and wrote letters but it feels insufficient.

I think, under the circumstances, it would be weird not to depressed. But for those of us with pre-existing depression/anxiety, it's worse. For awhile, everyone was the same level of depressed and anxious, and now that's not the case, and it's a headtrip.

Anyway I feel like you cracked open my skull and somehow turned the rat's nest of thoughts into coherent sentences, so like...know that you're not alone.

[luzclarita]

Is it normal? Given my friends feed here, yes. You are like the third person in a row writing a similar entry about life seeming "fine" but about feeling like shit and being overwhelmed by the dumpster fire that is larger reality right now.