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Its hit me this morning that people I felt were my friends are now more "parasocial" than anything. Mostly, people in Austin, mostly because of the pandemic. I feel like I'm not even the same person since the start of all this. I feel like I am just a really depressed person trying to navigate... anything... grief mostly. Will I ever be invited to a party ever again? Do people even like me? Things will start looking normal soon, here. What will that mean for me? Am I still likable? Will I ever get to have fun ever again?
For the first time ever, I'm missing wrestling. I know my heart isn't in it. But a part of me yearns for a wrestling school that could have just... catered more to me not exactly being a great athlete. or at least not make me take a body slam off the top rope when im not ready. mostly because i heard a podcast of two indie people i know. one used to be one of my teachers. Neither of them are anything outside of austin, but idk. it got me missing it. they were talking about how the business should cater more towards weird kids and get them in because theres just a vast font of creativity there. idk. i had a lot of good ideas. and a lot of anxiety that tells me everything i think, say, and do is terrible.
I desperately want to go to a party. but i also want to desperately burrow into the ground and never come out. what am i even feeling today? idek.
This weekend Shane was here. And we did a vast surplus of brewery hopping. Considering it seems my gastrointestinal tract cant handle beer very well, this mostly was an exercise in trying restraint, but my tummy hurting anyway. I did better Sunday than Saturday, anyway. Still, the whole thing was frustrating to me. Sitting around while they drink and I don't isn't exactly fun. I was a little cranky by Sunday.
We met Mike and Jay for tacos Friday, and that was nice though.
Sorry, I want to update, but I guess I don't know what to say. Thats what I've got going on for now I guess. Z and I have been playing a game called Haven, a coop game about a couple who crash on an abandoned planet while trying to avoid their arranged marriages. Its been occasionally buggy, but fun as a thing to do together.
I guess I haven't updated on the cats in a while. No news is good news, right? Snowball and Biggie occasionally clash, but she also groomed the tip of his tail once, so that is huge progress. The air mattress has been up while Shane was here, and that brought all the cats together. Its sad that it took Pepper passing for Snowball to chill out. She sleeps with me on occasion now. Not as much as she used to; she used to sleep with me every night. But its better than nothing. Biggie has been meowing at me constantly, but as soon as I downloaded meowtalk, he shut up and took a nap. lol
We leave for Oregon in a week. I am excited to take a vacation, but nervous because... pandemic. Still, we are vaccinated. Hard to shake this brain-space but there's also just so many unknowns about how long the vaccine lasts, can i spread it while vaccinated, can i get sick still while vaccinated??? No one seems to have good answers on this stuff yet.
For the first time ever, I'm missing wrestling. I know my heart isn't in it. But a part of me yearns for a wrestling school that could have just... catered more to me not exactly being a great athlete. or at least not make me take a body slam off the top rope when im not ready. mostly because i heard a podcast of two indie people i know. one used to be one of my teachers. Neither of them are anything outside of austin, but idk. it got me missing it. they were talking about how the business should cater more towards weird kids and get them in because theres just a vast font of creativity there. idk. i had a lot of good ideas. and a lot of anxiety that tells me everything i think, say, and do is terrible.
I desperately want to go to a party. but i also want to desperately burrow into the ground and never come out. what am i even feeling today? idek.
This weekend Shane was here. And we did a vast surplus of brewery hopping. Considering it seems my gastrointestinal tract cant handle beer very well, this mostly was an exercise in trying restraint, but my tummy hurting anyway. I did better Sunday than Saturday, anyway. Still, the whole thing was frustrating to me. Sitting around while they drink and I don't isn't exactly fun. I was a little cranky by Sunday.
We met Mike and Jay for tacos Friday, and that was nice though.
Sorry, I want to update, but I guess I don't know what to say. Thats what I've got going on for now I guess. Z and I have been playing a game called Haven, a coop game about a couple who crash on an abandoned planet while trying to avoid their arranged marriages. Its been occasionally buggy, but fun as a thing to do together.
I guess I haven't updated on the cats in a while. No news is good news, right? Snowball and Biggie occasionally clash, but she also groomed the tip of his tail once, so that is huge progress. The air mattress has been up while Shane was here, and that brought all the cats together. Its sad that it took Pepper passing for Snowball to chill out. She sleeps with me on occasion now. Not as much as she used to; she used to sleep with me every night. But its better than nothing. Biggie has been meowing at me constantly, but as soon as I downloaded meowtalk, he shut up and took a nap. lol
We leave for Oregon in a week. I am excited to take a vacation, but nervous because... pandemic. Still, we are vaccinated. Hard to shake this brain-space but there's also just so many unknowns about how long the vaccine lasts, can i spread it while vaccinated, can i get sick still while vaccinated??? No one seems to have good answers on this stuff yet.
