What are you reading Wednesday?

[frenzy]

What have you finished reading?

Nothing

What are you currently reading?

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty - So, we get Caitlin's backstory- she worked in a crematory first. Then decided to go to mortician school to learn about what they're teaching people there. To her horror, they teach to always embalm, that a corpse existing for even a few hours is "unsanitary" (its not!) She vows her life goal is to teach and spread death awareness as well as alternative methods of body disposal.

This book has a lot of talk about bodies. so CW about death and corpses but this got me thinking. a lot.

Show my fucking body when I die. Don't embalm me, but keep me on ice and show my fucking body. The last *several* funerals, *ahem* celebrations of life, I've been to, (IF THERE IS ONE AT ALL!!!!) there isn't a body. and it keeps fucking me up y'all. Let me see that they're dead. Let me get that fucking closure.

Nicole died in a motorcycle accident. I... I'm not surprised I didn't see her body. It was probably not a body anyone would have wanted to see. But sometimes... I wonder she's still there. I never saw her body. Her "celebration of life" was at a fucking vape shop. There were vape tricks. It was so weird. I miss her still and wondered for almost a year if somehow someone had pulled the wool over our eyes and she's still out there. But I know she isn't.

Lara. Lara this one stings still. fucking lara. I know she's dead too. But not seeing the body.. don't you worry? aren't you curious??

Hodge. I still scour the internet for his story. You know, it still isn't there, right? How do you fall into the grand canyon and not even have something VAGUE about a 25-35 year old guy on the internet. cone on. So then you wonder and you wonder and you wonder.

show the fucking bodies y'all. caitlin was talking about how it really is messing up our relationship with our mortality and I'd say i agree. But I also think there are people like me. who just need to know.

You know, my dad... his body. It was there the whole time but I refused to look at it. I was 15. I don't blame myself then. I was in denial that anyone could really die. I still thought Jesus would pull a Lazarus and it would become a huge witness. Still, the body was there. I knew he was dead, especially after they put him in the crypt.

Skittles death still hurts, but having her corpse there for, what, 3 or 4 days, was an immense comfort for me. I still miss her and I miss petting her so much, but petting her cold body bought the truth but with comfort those several days. Caring for her. Fetching ice for her. Watching over her. It was really special and I wouldn't take that back. I'd want to do the same for my human loved ones too. We probably all aught to. Instead, we barely see a body. Just ship it out as quickly as possible to be ~ dealt ~ with.

I didn't leave the basement until dad's corpse was gone. I don't remember if my mom got it "taken care of" before she woke me up, or if I refused and stayed downstairs calling friends. I didn't know what to do. I was 15. Who the fuck knows what to do.

Idk death is weird. This book is good and I'm almost done. I'm just thinkin about corpses a lot

Comments

[symbioid]

Is she the mortician I see on youtube sometimes? I know I've seen some mortician talk about stuff. Of course there's probably a whole "mortician-tube" phenomenon that I'm missing out and and you wouldn't know if it's her or someone else.

I'm with you mostly. I don't recall if the first funeral I had was open or closed. I was really young, but I remember that it was a traumatic death. The dad was working on his bus (he drove bus and picked up a bunch of families in the country to go to church, we were one of those families). He actually didn't go to church but his family did.

The first funeral I remember was our friend Holly who killed herself with a shotgun. Needless to say that was closed casket. I remember going to the funeral director on the visitation/wake, and me and 2 friends asked if he could open "to make it real" and he was like "no". (One of the guys I honestly wonder if it was less about closure and more about morbid curiosity, he was a total edgelord... like drawing swastikas and shit - ugh).

My sister Shannon and Dad's were both open casket, and I never saw my sister Holly. I know her arm and leg were basically black from lack of oxygen/being cut off blood supply.

We do have a weird thing in the US about death. I was reading about the Irish wake, people would go and just the whole village would go and visit the deceased, even if you weren't friends or family... The casket would be in the home and they would be displayed for a week or something like that. They would have "professional mourners" women who would sing and such... IDK. it seems intense, and in the US it's just throw away culture.

Did you see that I think it was Oregon(?) recently had a bill to allow human composting (e.g. feed the trees).

[frenzy]

It is the youtuber "ask a mortician". She's great. And her books are great too!

Yeah, I absolutely agree that americans are so weird about death. And when I was younger at least here was a casket. We knew a body was there even if we oculdn't see it. Hell, I don't mind an urn and knowing those are their remains. But now it seems younger folks shift to this "celebration of life" where we dont even acknowledge they are dead? Its weird!

And I didn't hear about the compost thing. That's cool! I know natural burials are legal in all 50 states, and another easy way to feed the trees. Just a shroud of simple cloth and in the ground you go. I know thats what Z wants. I want to be aquamated if it becomes legal for humans in Texas.

[symbioid]

Found an article about the recent oregon change. I guess I thought this was the same thing as the "natural burial" (which I didn't know was legal in all states).

I've never heard of aquamated. interesting.

https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/oregon-will-allow-for-human-composting-as-a-final-resting-option/283-46a27f29-4b4e-41ca-a115-611db29da1c9

[frenzy]

Ah yeah! THis is cool. Yeah the article gets it right where its super cheap to just throw your body in the ground lol but holy cow becoming LITERAL COMPOST. i kind of love it!!

You hear about the guy who can turn cremains into feed for animals? I kind of love it too https://return-2-nature.com/ caitlin talked about it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ohis8hE9LM

[sabotabby]

Hmm, I think I'm the opposite. Or at least my needs are weirdly specific. Like I was horrified to see my grandparents' bodies, and I didn't want to see my stepdad's at his funeral (I had seen it in the hospital when I arrived half an hour too late to say goodbye). I was relieved to see my friend S's body because otherwise I wouldn't have believed he was gone. N's death still doesn't feel real because the funeral was virtual and again, no body.

We have a fucked relationship with death.

[frenzy]

How old were you regarding your grandparents? If you were younger, it seems like there's a line, like being a teen or young adult and not wanting to see a body, versus getting older and wanting to see one? I'm kind of just spitballing here since I'd only just been thinking about it.

[sabotabby]

I was about 17 when my grandfather died and in my early 20s when my grandmother died. So...that checks out.

[katiedid717]

When I worked hospital security, we were required to sign all bodies in and out of the morgue. I had one time that I had just finished checking a body in when I was told that the funeral home was already there to pick her up - turns out, this woman's relatives owned the funeral home handling her services. I remember these three women piling out of their minivan with the stretcher and fussing over the body as they loaded her out of the morgue and into the car. "Oh good, she's still warm, she's still fresh, we're going to make her look SO GOOD!" That just really stuck with me - like, these women were her sister and two of her nieces, and they made sure to pick her up as fast as possible so that they could get her glammed up to best effect.

[frenzy]

Thats really heartwarming in a kind of morbid way. But sweet. I completely understand why we would want to take care of our loved ones' bodies. Its so much better than when a stranger does it. There's always so much "he would never wear that" or "thats not even their color of lipstick"