![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Nov. 9th, 2018 06:28 pmHey DW. Im updating at work, but its Friday and its slow.
Its been a bit of a weird week. Last thursday, I had a bit of a meltdown giving Blue his meds. He wasn't taking it and it was frustrating and I wasnt letting him take a break. he pissed himself because he was scared. after that I got angry but then just started sobbing. I felt like a monster and I still feel terrible for being hard on him and scaring him. It was just a total meltdown though. I couldn't calm down. I hadn't felt so out of control in a while. I wound up just watching the fish tank for a while trying to calm myself down. Blue has, thankfully forgiven me quickly. He's a sweet boy. But I still feel bad because I love him and I dont want him to be scared.
Since then we've still wrestled with his meds a little, but we both walk away and come back and its usually easier.
Friday I had my dental checkup. everything is good for the next 6 months. I didn't do anything. Again. Like I know Z works the brewery, but I've gotta do a better job of finding things for myself to do. Just watched MHA.
Saturday I did silks class. At this point I was p depressed and I didn't want to go to class. But I did anyway, and I'm glad I did. Moving around was something I needed to do. Afterwards, I picked up Sabrina and we hung out at the brewery, went to a cidery, and then hit up 4th tap for this sort of pseudo PWR thing. We got to talk a lot about life, death (a lot of death), and hard emotions. I opened up about feeling off myself. Even that night I talked to Z and, like, if this is my menstrual hormones in 5th gear, i just can imagine ever being pregnant. i felt like an unstable monster the last several days, although i've been trying to be even keeled about it. Still it was nice to do something fun Saturday. Oh after 4th tap, we brought Sabrina home and Z and I stopped by Southern Heights because they had beers he wanted to try. I drank like, p much all day.
Which means Sunday I was pretty hungover. But I went out to Debbies and got to see her new place. Man, her place is so cool. The house is hella 70s, its got cool sort of architecture, it has a basement (!!!), and the property has a bunch of shipping container houses on it. I hung out there for a good chunk of time and headed home to watch the Packers lose, which was pretty frustrating. I knew the patriots would find a way to win. Thats what they do. It was just frustrating. I feel like I should just give up on the season.
My period came and went but I'm still oddly moody, although maybe I'm starting to stabilize. I don't understand why my hormones were turned up so much this month. it reminded me of what I am like when I am on birth control. I am not a normal/okay person on hormonal BC. I'm just... I'm wild. I don't like who that person is (although if im on BC im so far gone that I think its somehow normal/good)
Job sucks rn. We're hella short staffed, but after we were bought out, they are refusing (or so it feels?) to allocate more money for hiring. I feel generally swamped and terrible. Everyone does. L1s are over worked, L2s are too. We worry they wont ever let us hire and this is normal. I love this job and I thought i'd retire here, but if they keep doing this shit, I'll go... I just hope the higher-ups figure this shit out. Im still paranoid we'll get out sourced. But then I requested a new laptop and they said they'd mail me one. So maybe it's going to be okay. or maybe theyre just doing it to make it look like everything's okay.
Let's see. Monday the cats went to the vet, since they both have diarrhea. Skittles' meds are getting increased to daily. But for Blue, the vet wants him off wet food. They get fed together, which means they're both going off wet food. The first day was terrible. And me, still moody, was crying about it. But the next day they ate dry food without issue. Blue is also on something like metamucil for cats to get water out of his poo and he has an ear infection too because of course he does. He's just a hot mess. You'd think I didn't take care of him, but gods. He is high maintenance. Its been about 5 days and he had 1 solid poo and 1 unsolid poo after that, so idfk. I go to the vet next week to check up on it so I guess i'm doing this song and dance again.
Had my final eye checkup. Eye is fully healed and I don't have to go back. Its a normal eye again and man am I grateful.
Lets see. Election day was annoying and I was disappointed Beto lost although I knew he probably wouldn't win. I forgot senators terms are 6 fucking years. Ugh. Cruz is a human hangnail. I was glad to have it over though.
Tuesday Silks I struggled. *sigh* oh well. I almost cried. I didn't.
Wednesday Big Mike was supposed to come over and do a massage but he was too hungover, so we did it yesterday. He can be a little heavy handed, but i feel much better. Also having someone come to my house is hella fucking convenient. I think Myo is a bit better, but Mike is more convenient. When he bailed on me weds night, though, i was still sad. it was just a rough night. Z had said he was coming home too and i was waiting for him for 2 hours too. Just a rough night.
Tonight I'm getting a pedicure because I didn't just wanna do nothing. Then Imma probably just watch MHA. I think I'm almost caught up. Still, I've GOT to be better about my Fridays. Doing nothing sucks.
Its been a bit of a weird week. Last thursday, I had a bit of a meltdown giving Blue his meds. He wasn't taking it and it was frustrating and I wasnt letting him take a break. he pissed himself because he was scared. after that I got angry but then just started sobbing. I felt like a monster and I still feel terrible for being hard on him and scaring him. It was just a total meltdown though. I couldn't calm down. I hadn't felt so out of control in a while. I wound up just watching the fish tank for a while trying to calm myself down. Blue has, thankfully forgiven me quickly. He's a sweet boy. But I still feel bad because I love him and I dont want him to be scared.
Since then we've still wrestled with his meds a little, but we both walk away and come back and its usually easier.
Friday I had my dental checkup. everything is good for the next 6 months. I didn't do anything. Again. Like I know Z works the brewery, but I've gotta do a better job of finding things for myself to do. Just watched MHA.
Saturday I did silks class. At this point I was p depressed and I didn't want to go to class. But I did anyway, and I'm glad I did. Moving around was something I needed to do. Afterwards, I picked up Sabrina and we hung out at the brewery, went to a cidery, and then hit up 4th tap for this sort of pseudo PWR thing. We got to talk a lot about life, death (a lot of death), and hard emotions. I opened up about feeling off myself. Even that night I talked to Z and, like, if this is my menstrual hormones in 5th gear, i just can imagine ever being pregnant. i felt like an unstable monster the last several days, although i've been trying to be even keeled about it. Still it was nice to do something fun Saturday. Oh after 4th tap, we brought Sabrina home and Z and I stopped by Southern Heights because they had beers he wanted to try. I drank like, p much all day.
Which means Sunday I was pretty hungover. But I went out to Debbies and got to see her new place. Man, her place is so cool. The house is hella 70s, its got cool sort of architecture, it has a basement (!!!), and the property has a bunch of shipping container houses on it. I hung out there for a good chunk of time and headed home to watch the Packers lose, which was pretty frustrating. I knew the patriots would find a way to win. Thats what they do. It was just frustrating. I feel like I should just give up on the season.
My period came and went but I'm still oddly moody, although maybe I'm starting to stabilize. I don't understand why my hormones were turned up so much this month. it reminded me of what I am like when I am on birth control. I am not a normal/okay person on hormonal BC. I'm just... I'm wild. I don't like who that person is (although if im on BC im so far gone that I think its somehow normal/good)
Job sucks rn. We're hella short staffed, but after we were bought out, they are refusing (or so it feels?) to allocate more money for hiring. I feel generally swamped and terrible. Everyone does. L1s are over worked, L2s are too. We worry they wont ever let us hire and this is normal. I love this job and I thought i'd retire here, but if they keep doing this shit, I'll go... I just hope the higher-ups figure this shit out. Im still paranoid we'll get out sourced. But then I requested a new laptop and they said they'd mail me one. So maybe it's going to be okay. or maybe theyre just doing it to make it look like everything's okay.
Let's see. Monday the cats went to the vet, since they both have diarrhea. Skittles' meds are getting increased to daily. But for Blue, the vet wants him off wet food. They get fed together, which means they're both going off wet food. The first day was terrible. And me, still moody, was crying about it. But the next day they ate dry food without issue. Blue is also on something like metamucil for cats to get water out of his poo and he has an ear infection too because of course he does. He's just a hot mess. You'd think I didn't take care of him, but gods. He is high maintenance. Its been about 5 days and he had 1 solid poo and 1 unsolid poo after that, so idfk. I go to the vet next week to check up on it so I guess i'm doing this song and dance again.
Had my final eye checkup. Eye is fully healed and I don't have to go back. Its a normal eye again and man am I grateful.
Lets see. Election day was annoying and I was disappointed Beto lost although I knew he probably wouldn't win. I forgot senators terms are 6 fucking years. Ugh. Cruz is a human hangnail. I was glad to have it over though.
Tuesday Silks I struggled. *sigh* oh well. I almost cried. I didn't.
Wednesday Big Mike was supposed to come over and do a massage but he was too hungover, so we did it yesterday. He can be a little heavy handed, but i feel much better. Also having someone come to my house is hella fucking convenient. I think Myo is a bit better, but Mike is more convenient. When he bailed on me weds night, though, i was still sad. it was just a rough night. Z had said he was coming home too and i was waiting for him for 2 hours too. Just a rough night.
Tonight I'm getting a pedicure because I didn't just wanna do nothing. Then Imma probably just watch MHA. I think I'm almost caught up. Still, I've GOT to be better about my Fridays. Doing nothing sucks.
