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Jun. 27th, 2019 08:53 pmIve been up down and all over the place. most of my friends say its because of cancer season. who knows.
Friday I hung out with Mike and J and honestly it was a really good time. Like I'd been really, really depressed all week and it was light a big breath of fresh air. We didnt do much. Just had some drinks and hung out but i felt so good by the end of it. I really clung to it because i felt i could be myself without consequence which is a nice feeling.
Saturday was okay. Not a lot happened because Z had to work. I played a lot of pokemon mystery dungeon and watched hercules (the disney movie). It wasn't a bad time and for the first time in a while I didn't feel incredibly lonely. After Z got off work, him and his coworkers went out and I joined them and it was pretty nice again, just to hang out and be cool and stuff. It felt good.
Sunday was p uneventful too. I saw Z at work, and i went to lyra, and afterwards I hung out with Z. I dont think we did anything in particular. Oh we went out to Tins to watch the wrestling PPV
Man wwe wrestling has been abysmal lately. the ppv was fine. it wasnt great. it wasnt terrible. just thoroughly meh. raw and smackdown were the same this week and I think i just need to stop watching for a while because idk why im watching this stuff lately.
i never heard from adam more about the other wrestling place. im p scared to bother him about it. he wrestles for a bunch of promotions in the area. i think ill either try to talk to them myself. or just let the dream die. i dont really know. i saw more wrestling lately and i missed wrestling. but i also fell on my tailbone a a few days ago and gods im p sure i have some kind of long term injury cuz its still aching. also in my present mental health, im not really prepared to get over my trust issues. Still being around people more would sure help me out.
At any rate, Monday Skittles got another lyme dip and we had to bleach the entire house. It was a complete pain, again, but it went a bit quicker than last time. We have to do it again this week. And maybe again after that. I wish the ringworm would just stop.
Also on Monday we went to see Kirt and Justin. We shared pizza and beers and hung out for a bit. But the big reason we swung by was because I am taking care of their chickens this weekend. Today through Sunday night. I like chickens!
Tuesday after work I had silks. i think the gym must be having a groupon because there were a lot of folks in the class that like idk if they should even be there? i dont mean to sound elitist, but i do. but its my journal so whatever i guess.
Afterwards we saw Toy Story 4. No spoilers, but it was good. I can't think of another movie franchise that has four movies and theyre *all* good.
Yesterday, I finally, after like 6 months, got a massage. It was so good and I need to get back on the monthly massage wagon. It really helps with the pain stuff. my tailbone still hurts though. and honestly so do my neck and stuff. but i know one session isnt going to undo 6+ months of tension
I've been on the downswing again. Just really lonely, insecure and sad. I dont understand why, really. I thought it was hormonal, because after I got my period I started to feel happier again, but I'm sad again for no real reason. I want to cry at everything. I feel like I'm lame and useless. I dont know. I feel so down on myself.
Because of my depression I was eating a lot of ice cream and stuff thinking it'd help. it hasn't and of course i gained some weight and i know it doesnt matter, but i also am getting frustrated at how my clothes are fitting. i need to change something.
but also im more worried about being happy rn instead of my figure. but sweets and junk food arent making me happy so idk. idek what would make me happy rn. im just sort of blue. im not as deep in the hole as i was a week ago. but i dont know what to do exactly. i know hanging out with people makes me happier but its hard to initiate that when im also feeling so bad about myself that i assume no one wants to hang out with me.
idk. i dont have time to wallow in this. i have chickens to take care of.
Friday I hung out with Mike and J and honestly it was a really good time. Like I'd been really, really depressed all week and it was light a big breath of fresh air. We didnt do much. Just had some drinks and hung out but i felt so good by the end of it. I really clung to it because i felt i could be myself without consequence which is a nice feeling.
Saturday was okay. Not a lot happened because Z had to work. I played a lot of pokemon mystery dungeon and watched hercules (the disney movie). It wasn't a bad time and for the first time in a while I didn't feel incredibly lonely. After Z got off work, him and his coworkers went out and I joined them and it was pretty nice again, just to hang out and be cool and stuff. It felt good.
Sunday was p uneventful too. I saw Z at work, and i went to lyra, and afterwards I hung out with Z. I dont think we did anything in particular. Oh we went out to Tins to watch the wrestling PPV
Man wwe wrestling has been abysmal lately. the ppv was fine. it wasnt great. it wasnt terrible. just thoroughly meh. raw and smackdown were the same this week and I think i just need to stop watching for a while because idk why im watching this stuff lately.
i never heard from adam more about the other wrestling place. im p scared to bother him about it. he wrestles for a bunch of promotions in the area. i think ill either try to talk to them myself. or just let the dream die. i dont really know. i saw more wrestling lately and i missed wrestling. but i also fell on my tailbone a a few days ago and gods im p sure i have some kind of long term injury cuz its still aching. also in my present mental health, im not really prepared to get over my trust issues. Still being around people more would sure help me out.
At any rate, Monday Skittles got another lyme dip and we had to bleach the entire house. It was a complete pain, again, but it went a bit quicker than last time. We have to do it again this week. And maybe again after that. I wish the ringworm would just stop.
Also on Monday we went to see Kirt and Justin. We shared pizza and beers and hung out for a bit. But the big reason we swung by was because I am taking care of their chickens this weekend. Today through Sunday night. I like chickens!
Tuesday after work I had silks. i think the gym must be having a groupon because there were a lot of folks in the class that like idk if they should even be there? i dont mean to sound elitist, but i do. but its my journal so whatever i guess.
Afterwards we saw Toy Story 4. No spoilers, but it was good. I can't think of another movie franchise that has four movies and theyre *all* good.
Yesterday, I finally, after like 6 months, got a massage. It was so good and I need to get back on the monthly massage wagon. It really helps with the pain stuff. my tailbone still hurts though. and honestly so do my neck and stuff. but i know one session isnt going to undo 6+ months of tension
I've been on the downswing again. Just really lonely, insecure and sad. I dont understand why, really. I thought it was hormonal, because after I got my period I started to feel happier again, but I'm sad again for no real reason. I want to cry at everything. I feel like I'm lame and useless. I dont know. I feel so down on myself.
Because of my depression I was eating a lot of ice cream and stuff thinking it'd help. it hasn't and of course i gained some weight and i know it doesnt matter, but i also am getting frustrated at how my clothes are fitting. i need to change something.
but also im more worried about being happy rn instead of my figure. but sweets and junk food arent making me happy so idk. idek what would make me happy rn. im just sort of blue. im not as deep in the hole as i was a week ago. but i dont know what to do exactly. i know hanging out with people makes me happier but its hard to initiate that when im also feeling so bad about myself that i assume no one wants to hang out with me.
idk. i dont have time to wallow in this. i have chickens to take care of.
