(no subject)

I dropped off her body. It was so sad. Its right by the wrestling school. It'll be about a week. I'm still just so sad. And I've continued to worry I did the wrong thing, or there was something that I missed. Something I/the vet could have fixed. Sweet Pepper, I'm so sorry.

Otherwise, I've been just a very sad, very depressed mess. At least work is slow so I can just wallow and feel the brain fog in peace.

ive now been worried about every little thing with the cats. blues nose is a little runny (normal. he is a persian and super prone to upper respiratory infections) but i'm like, nope, hes gonna die. Biggie breathing (normal), nope maybe his breathing is labored? it isnt. im just sitting here thinking any of these cats are just going to jump the mortal coil any minute.

I know these cats. I know their actions. Unlike Pepper, theyre all very active, so I'll know if they're feeling bad. Stillllllllllll. Please, nothing else die and no one else leave me for a while. I am so fucking at capacity for mourning and grief.