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Apr. 24th, 2021 12:10 pmI've been feeling blah most days here. Its okay. Just. Idk. I want to feel joy or interest again. Things are so close to being better. I can pull out of this.
Z went to go play disc golf and I'm just here since I don't like disc golf too much.
Also, yesterday I got my first massage since... before or after I went to Wisconsin. It was over a year. I feel much looser, but also, as expected it brought up knots and stuff that just can't be extinguished in 1 session. A couple weeks after this trip to Oregon, I'll have to mind my business so i can keep getting them.
I'm just sad lately. I can't seem to shake it. everything makes me want to cry.
Wednesday evening I had a job interview. It was for engineering, which is sort of different than support. I answered the technical questions honestly. I dont know the difference between TCP and UDP. I can read a traceroute, but i dont know what each hop means. I didnt even know an acronym he used at one point... I felt way over my head. But the manager said i was pretty "middle of the road" in comparison to the rest of the team. I could get a huge huge raise. But I also feel like Im faking this somehow. I am somehow tricking them into thinking I can... idk. i cant write bash scripts from scratch. i cant write PHP or javascript from scratch. i never went to bootcamp. im just a dingdong that somehow has faked themselves. idk.
would i even want a new job? i mean, sorry, yes, i really, really do lol. i am so fucking underpaid right now and also the tier 2 manager hates me, so ill never get a promotion. but i wanted tableau. it paid way more but also like way more my wheelhouse. i dont know. i dont know! i had a job interview go /well/ but i've been panicking about it for 36 fucking hours!!!!
Im not the kind of person that has imposter syndrome. I just feel like I'm in way over my head. Idk. Im meeting perry for drinks outside tomorrow and i'll pick his brain more.
until then just fighting endless creeping depression
Z went to go play disc golf and I'm just here since I don't like disc golf too much.
Also, yesterday I got my first massage since... before or after I went to Wisconsin. It was over a year. I feel much looser, but also, as expected it brought up knots and stuff that just can't be extinguished in 1 session. A couple weeks after this trip to Oregon, I'll have to mind my business so i can keep getting them.
I'm just sad lately. I can't seem to shake it. everything makes me want to cry.
Wednesday evening I had a job interview. It was for engineering, which is sort of different than support. I answered the technical questions honestly. I dont know the difference between TCP and UDP. I can read a traceroute, but i dont know what each hop means. I didnt even know an acronym he used at one point... I felt way over my head. But the manager said i was pretty "middle of the road" in comparison to the rest of the team. I could get a huge huge raise. But I also feel like Im faking this somehow. I am somehow tricking them into thinking I can... idk. i cant write bash scripts from scratch. i cant write PHP or javascript from scratch. i never went to bootcamp. im just a dingdong that somehow has faked themselves. idk.
would i even want a new job? i mean, sorry, yes, i really, really do lol. i am so fucking underpaid right now and also the tier 2 manager hates me, so ill never get a promotion. but i wanted tableau. it paid way more but also like way more my wheelhouse. i dont know. i dont know! i had a job interview go /well/ but i've been panicking about it for 36 fucking hours!!!!
Im not the kind of person that has imposter syndrome. I just feel like I'm in way over my head. Idk. Im meeting perry for drinks outside tomorrow and i'll pick his brain more.
until then just fighting endless creeping depression
