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hey dw
ah stuffs all right. been a little huffy today. By huffy I mostly just mean sighing a lot for no reason. idk.
So, i guess ill start with normal updates.
Friday Z and I headed to Houston and met up with his brother and his brother's friend at B-52 brewery. Well, its north of houston, anyway. Man, that brewery. I hadn;t heard of it and didn't really know what to expect, but its top fucking notch. I highly recommend it. Its a nice space too. Also, there was a brewery kitty named Upgrade who was a very good kitty.
Since it was Z's birthday weekend, I drove around so he could drink as much as he wanted. But I still got to try sips and stuff. Honestly it was p useful to keep all right on the diet train.
After b-52 we went to another brewery in Conroe. It was surprisingly hard to find. I'm p sure we drove up and down the street like 3 times till we finally found it. haha. The weather turned from nice to chilly. Shane and his buddy headed home. Z and I tried to find something close-to-north to do, but Z had been up since the day prior (since he works nights) and decided just to go back to the hotel.
got to have crazy hotel sex and go to bed. or try to anyway. i slept like shit. Thankfully, the room had a couch too, so I just slept on the couch.
Next day we met Josher and Mikayla at spindletap. That brewery is good! They were also having a free chili cook off! So we got to try all the chilis and vote!! It was pretty fun! The beers are Spindletap are p good. their NE IPAs are the star of the show, but their other beers are good.
We hung out there a while and then went to Katy to go to the baa baa brewhouse. We had had a few NE IPAs from them before and they were p good. The one they had on tap was fine. We also got a Kölsch which was probably the worst Kölsch I've ever had. It made me want to try their other beers, just to find out if maybe all they can do is NE IPAs, but since I was driving I really decided it was better to refrain.
After there, Z and I went to No Label brewing which was really nice. Everyone was really friendly and the tap room is pretty nice. I had been warned that it'd be really crowded, but it was not at all. The Rockets/Cavs game was on. After that brewery, we went back to the hotel.
Sunday, we met our buddy Uzi for brunch at ... this complex that reminded me of, like, the domain. just one of those sprawling outside mall complexes. At any rate, we had been recommended this one brunch place... but then Z saw a place called, like "the cheese shop" and we looked them up online, and they did have food. It was Z's birthday so I let him choose... of course we got the cheese shop lol. The food was good, but I felt like the cheese board could have been more.. curated? You just choose 3 cheeses and they gave you random stuff. When it comes to cheese boards, I find freedom-from-choice to be much better. It makes me think the assorted jams, pickles, etc were though of with the cheese in mind (even though it isnt always). At any rate.
We headed back to Austin. By the end of the trip, I was fucking sick of driving. We got home and got set up for our little super bowl party. I had gotten a message from Gideon that he was gonna pop by at "some point" but i was shocked when he and Sarah was there before kick off. Then J and Mike showed up, and there was just a ton of food. We had cheese and crackers, gummy bears, chips, wings, beer cheese, pretzels. Yeah. And lots of beer was opened too. Which was useful for clearing out some of the fridge. I almost have most of the fridge...
although, of course, z bought a bunch of beer while in houston.... *sigh* the struggle continues.
Mike is from new england, although i cant say he actually cares about football much at all. i really can't stand philledelphia nor their 'culture' so i was kind of hoping for a meteor. or pats. Alas, philly won. *shrug* gods my stupid coworker from philly was all about today. i cant handle it. thankfully we dont have to talk much.
At any rate, thats been about it. Work's been fine. Silks class yesterday was p fun. I've come to just sort of expect new people coming to silks 1. i think it may annoy me in the future, but i also think... *shrug*. it cant be helped. Oh! And they're doing a later pole class! So I can finally try pole. That should be fun. Im honestly p pumped.
Last night I slept so fucking soundly. But I had weird dreams. I had one dream that as in the house I grew up in. And mom was renovating it. And I found a secret basement in the basement laundry room. I went down it and found all the tools I had ever given my dad for christmas, fathers day, whatever (i was an unoriginal kid, i guess). Then I saw, like, the expanded living room. My mom was saying she couldnt make the house bigger so it was expanded like this (?). I remember asking her why dad died. I think my dad may have shown up at some point? I don't really remember. It left me feeling in A Way. I woke up to pee. Went back to sleep
I started having a dream where my dad was there. and i was saying "oh its like you never left. this how life would be had you not died" and I was dreaming lucidly enough to know i really *really* didnt want that dream, so I walked away into another dream (or, nothingness, really).
So I've felt sort of "touched" today. I suppose the deathiversary is coming up. These days, I don't like it when my dad haunts my dreams. Its fruitless and leaves me in want. but look at how eloquent I can write when it happens. Ugh. Art needs to be cursed to be any good, I guess. Most of my friends talk about loved ones visiting them in dreams as a positive event, but usually I just find the emotions too troublesome to process.
Emotions is a perfect segue into something that is so *perfect* for writing in my bootleg livejournal. Viktor was messaging this morning about... something, but he had gotten to a point where he was like "oh I'm hanging out with E again a lot. I dont understand why she didnt talk to me before". And i was like "o rly?" and basically we dredged up that terrible, murky river. On the one hand, it felt good to hear him apologise and finally acknowledge what he did. Last time I brought it up, he flipped out saying he never cheated on E nor I because none of us were committed. but it sure felt shady and lied about and terrible. I /guess/ that isnt /technically/ cheating? but still. At any rate, i think he understood why it was terrible back then. It just took a ton of emotional work. Especially after already parsing a dad dream or two. Maybe I should get viktor to apologise for everything else that was terrible in our relationship too, eh? hahaha. I just, i hate bringing this shit up. it was over a decade ago. it doesnt matter anymore. we have all forgiven each other, otherwise, we wouldn't talk to each other.
it did sort of make me reflect on how I was shitty too. I always felt like I "won" during that whole fiasco. so i didn't feel too hurt by it? And i never wanted to parse it more... well, shit, E basically dumped me as a friend. And all I wanted was to be with Viktor and be happy, so why unpackage it back then?
I was never happy then. I never got that. my lj is full of incessant whining. I was never happy in a relationship until Z. Its the first time there isn't incessant conflict or pining. its nice. quieter. Yet here i am feeling very morose. idk. ill blame today and let that be that.
At any rate, I guess the major theme is "emotions" here. but it feels better to have gotten it all out, i guess. ttyl.
ah stuffs all right. been a little huffy today. By huffy I mostly just mean sighing a lot for no reason. idk.
So, i guess ill start with normal updates.
Friday Z and I headed to Houston and met up with his brother and his brother's friend at B-52 brewery. Well, its north of houston, anyway. Man, that brewery. I hadn;t heard of it and didn't really know what to expect, but its top fucking notch. I highly recommend it. Its a nice space too. Also, there was a brewery kitty named Upgrade who was a very good kitty.
Since it was Z's birthday weekend, I drove around so he could drink as much as he wanted. But I still got to try sips and stuff. Honestly it was p useful to keep all right on the diet train.
After b-52 we went to another brewery in Conroe. It was surprisingly hard to find. I'm p sure we drove up and down the street like 3 times till we finally found it. haha. The weather turned from nice to chilly. Shane and his buddy headed home. Z and I tried to find something close-to-north to do, but Z had been up since the day prior (since he works nights) and decided just to go back to the hotel.
got to have crazy hotel sex and go to bed. or try to anyway. i slept like shit. Thankfully, the room had a couch too, so I just slept on the couch.
Next day we met Josher and Mikayla at spindletap. That brewery is good! They were also having a free chili cook off! So we got to try all the chilis and vote!! It was pretty fun! The beers are Spindletap are p good. their NE IPAs are the star of the show, but their other beers are good.
We hung out there a while and then went to Katy to go to the baa baa brewhouse. We had had a few NE IPAs from them before and they were p good. The one they had on tap was fine. We also got a Kölsch which was probably the worst Kölsch I've ever had. It made me want to try their other beers, just to find out if maybe all they can do is NE IPAs, but since I was driving I really decided it was better to refrain.
After there, Z and I went to No Label brewing which was really nice. Everyone was really friendly and the tap room is pretty nice. I had been warned that it'd be really crowded, but it was not at all. The Rockets/Cavs game was on. After that brewery, we went back to the hotel.
Sunday, we met our buddy Uzi for brunch at ... this complex that reminded me of, like, the domain. just one of those sprawling outside mall complexes. At any rate, we had been recommended this one brunch place... but then Z saw a place called, like "the cheese shop" and we looked them up online, and they did have food. It was Z's birthday so I let him choose... of course we got the cheese shop lol. The food was good, but I felt like the cheese board could have been more.. curated? You just choose 3 cheeses and they gave you random stuff. When it comes to cheese boards, I find freedom-from-choice to be much better. It makes me think the assorted jams, pickles, etc were though of with the cheese in mind (even though it isnt always). At any rate.
We headed back to Austin. By the end of the trip, I was fucking sick of driving. We got home and got set up for our little super bowl party. I had gotten a message from Gideon that he was gonna pop by at "some point" but i was shocked when he and Sarah was there before kick off. Then J and Mike showed up, and there was just a ton of food. We had cheese and crackers, gummy bears, chips, wings, beer cheese, pretzels. Yeah. And lots of beer was opened too. Which was useful for clearing out some of the fridge. I almost have most of the fridge...
although, of course, z bought a bunch of beer while in houston.... *sigh* the struggle continues.
Mike is from new england, although i cant say he actually cares about football much at all. i really can't stand philledelphia nor their 'culture' so i was kind of hoping for a meteor. or pats. Alas, philly won. *shrug* gods my stupid coworker from philly was all about today. i cant handle it. thankfully we dont have to talk much.
At any rate, thats been about it. Work's been fine. Silks class yesterday was p fun. I've come to just sort of expect new people coming to silks 1. i think it may annoy me in the future, but i also think... *shrug*. it cant be helped. Oh! And they're doing a later pole class! So I can finally try pole. That should be fun. Im honestly p pumped.
Last night I slept so fucking soundly. But I had weird dreams. I had one dream that as in the house I grew up in. And mom was renovating it. And I found a secret basement in the basement laundry room. I went down it and found all the tools I had ever given my dad for christmas, fathers day, whatever (i was an unoriginal kid, i guess). Then I saw, like, the expanded living room. My mom was saying she couldnt make the house bigger so it was expanded like this (?). I remember asking her why dad died. I think my dad may have shown up at some point? I don't really remember. It left me feeling in A Way. I woke up to pee. Went back to sleep
I started having a dream where my dad was there. and i was saying "oh its like you never left. this how life would be had you not died" and I was dreaming lucidly enough to know i really *really* didnt want that dream, so I walked away into another dream (or, nothingness, really).
So I've felt sort of "touched" today. I suppose the deathiversary is coming up. These days, I don't like it when my dad haunts my dreams. Its fruitless and leaves me in want. but look at how eloquent I can write when it happens. Ugh. Art needs to be cursed to be any good, I guess. Most of my friends talk about loved ones visiting them in dreams as a positive event, but usually I just find the emotions too troublesome to process.
Emotions is a perfect segue into something that is so *perfect* for writing in my bootleg livejournal. Viktor was messaging this morning about... something, but he had gotten to a point where he was like "oh I'm hanging out with E again a lot. I dont understand why she didnt talk to me before". And i was like "o rly?" and basically we dredged up that terrible, murky river. On the one hand, it felt good to hear him apologise and finally acknowledge what he did. Last time I brought it up, he flipped out saying he never cheated on E nor I because none of us were committed. but it sure felt shady and lied about and terrible. I /guess/ that isnt /technically/ cheating? but still. At any rate, i think he understood why it was terrible back then. It just took a ton of emotional work. Especially after already parsing a dad dream or two. Maybe I should get viktor to apologise for everything else that was terrible in our relationship too, eh? hahaha. I just, i hate bringing this shit up. it was over a decade ago. it doesnt matter anymore. we have all forgiven each other, otherwise, we wouldn't talk to each other.
it did sort of make me reflect on how I was shitty too. I always felt like I "won" during that whole fiasco. so i didn't feel too hurt by it? And i never wanted to parse it more... well, shit, E basically dumped me as a friend. And all I wanted was to be with Viktor and be happy, so why unpackage it back then?
I was never happy then. I never got that. my lj is full of incessant whining. I was never happy in a relationship until Z. Its the first time there isn't incessant conflict or pining. its nice. quieter. Yet here i am feeling very morose. idk. ill blame today and let that be that.
At any rate, I guess the major theme is "emotions" here. but it feels better to have gotten it all out, i guess. ttyl.
