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I’m living with a corpse.
I mean. Of course I knew that. But just 24 hours ago it seemed like she was just sleeping and would get up at any moment.
Her eyes are a little open and now they are sunken in. Her skin is a little... weird feeling. Which even makes her fur weird.
I mean this is a part of the slow letting go. Her body is here and it’s hers but it can’t stay here forever.
Still I find myself bargaining. I just wish even if her spirit is gone that her body could stay so I could pet it. But bodies don’t stay without spirits (with exception of course) and it’s just a part of accepting what’s really happening here.
Hanging out with Elijah was otherwise nice. Errands were fine. Got my holiday lights for the tree and I got new slippers since the bottoms of mine had completely worn through. They were like only 2 years old. I gotta stop wearing my slippers outside to take the trash out I guess.
I’m so sad. I think I’ll also be ready to stop watching over her body tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong. I’m going to freak out. But taking care of it, while not as hard as last week, still requires a lot from me. And looking at her now is more sad than comforting. So I can let go of her corporeal form.
I just miss her. She was incredible. How lucky we were to have her in our life. What an exceptional cat. What a very very good kitty. She was the best.
I mean. Of course I knew that. But just 24 hours ago it seemed like she was just sleeping and would get up at any moment.
Her eyes are a little open and now they are sunken in. Her skin is a little... weird feeling. Which even makes her fur weird.
I mean this is a part of the slow letting go. Her body is here and it’s hers but it can’t stay here forever.
Still I find myself bargaining. I just wish even if her spirit is gone that her body could stay so I could pet it. But bodies don’t stay without spirits (with exception of course) and it’s just a part of accepting what’s really happening here.
Hanging out with Elijah was otherwise nice. Errands were fine. Got my holiday lights for the tree and I got new slippers since the bottoms of mine had completely worn through. They were like only 2 years old. I gotta stop wearing my slippers outside to take the trash out I guess.
I’m so sad. I think I’ll also be ready to stop watching over her body tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong. I’m going to freak out. But taking care of it, while not as hard as last week, still requires a lot from me. And looking at her now is more sad than comforting. So I can let go of her corporeal form.
I just miss her. She was incredible. How lucky we were to have her in our life. What an exceptional cat. What a very very good kitty. She was the best.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-09 11:59 am (UTC)From:After Marinetti died I heard him in the house. It wasn't Cocoa; she's always slept with me until her current round of health problems. I know, logically, that it was my brain reading cat noises into what was either regular creaks, or the neighbours', or the neighbours' cats, or raccoons, or whatever, but I swear I could hear and feel him stalking my bed. I'm not sure if that made it better or worse.
no subject
Date: 2019-12-09 02:42 pm (UTC)From:I doubt there's any good way to do this. That said, I'd've probably dropped her off closer to 48 hours than 72 if I could have helped it.