there is nothing new under the sun

hey dw. I almost called you lj. Which in theory means "its working". working enough, i guess.

wednesday was the first time i did the lyra intro class. it went really well. I think I'll do it again.

Nate got in that night and it was really cool to hang out. We basically stayed up talking and went to bed at some point.

Thursday, after work, Nate wanted to check out some southby stuff, so we went walking around. We saw big mike at the brixton, got some food, followed around some music but never went into anything and went home. It was really nice to see big mike, although he was working so he also was working.i hadn't seen him in almost a year. i feel like it'll be another before i see him again.

Friday after i got off work, I went to Nates house show. I hadn't realised the opening person was also a christian act, and the house it was put on was a christian household. and everyone there was a christian.

So, this is my first time being the only atheist in a room of religious folks.

boyhowdy, it was okay. the show bit. but after most people left, I was catching a ride back to my house with Nate, and at some point we were all talking shit on Assemblies of God churches (a pentecostal/evangelical denomination). i thought i could join in by shit talking my old uni, but i was swift to say I no longer believed. The person's whose house this was, was like "oh i hate religion, but HAVE YOU TRIED GRACE"

i stammered and said, yes, i had tried multiple denominations and didnt care to talk about it. but instead i wish i had said:

Literally GRACE is one of the major fucking tenants of the religion. I know youre doing this "not a religion but a relationship w/ jesus" shtick, but what religion do you have if you throw out your holy book? Not much. Don't get on me asking me if Ive "tried grace". Do you know how disrespectful that is? I tell you i went to bible college and you ask me if i tried a basic principle of christianity? Fuck. Right. Off.

it really pissed me off. oh well. Nate went to do southby stuff and I went home so I could hang out with Z and complain a bit.

Saturday we did a crawfish boil at blackstar for lunch and ran into gideon and sarah. they were talking up how good annihilation (the movie) was and we made plans for sunday lunch. At some point we realised southby ended on Sat, and not Sun, so we left to go to flatstock.

flatstock is a free sxsw event where artists who do gig posters and such sell their art prints. Z and i, esp being a few beers in, bought too many prints.

After that we went to PWR which was really good. I fucking love PWR.

Sunday we met with gideon and sarah for tysons. nate came along too and headed up to Dallas from there. after tacos we met up with Paul and went on a hike. it was only like a 3 mile hike. Then we went to see Annihilation. Man that movie was weird. I didn't really understand what was going on half the time, and felt like there should have been a metaphor somewhere in there but i missed it?

Monday i went to see Everything is Terrible do the great satan. man it was really fucking funny. I'm glad I went. I saw Osk and Syd there but we didnt talk much. It felt weird to go to a movie-thing alone, but I'm glad I did. idk why but going to movies alone feels weird.

Well that about catches me up for stuff thats happened directly to me i guess. Today I couldn't get into the silks class. its probably packed with beginners. im p mad about it but oh well. the class has a limit of 6.

A few things. Firstly the bombings. I kept seeing memes around like "NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS" but, uh, yeah they are? constantly? still, tonight marks the 6th explosion or something. ive decided to just not order shit until this comes to an end. none of the explosions have been very close to my house. but it doesnt change the fact that its unsettling. i dont know if its racially motivated or not. but i definitely think this is a domestic terrorist either way.

I've been feeling pretty sad the last few days. Its because my dad's deathaversary is coming up. This one seems particularly bad. I don't know why. The last milestone has been passed. In theory, I have spent more time grieving my dad than having him around. In theory, these should be old hat. Im an expert in grieving now. Why am I not good at it?

I know its stupid to put it in this terms. but SERIOUSLY THO. Literally, i only know how to grieve dad. why does that make it seem harder? i know itll never be easier. but fucking harder? Why?

its fresh for a few friends. osk and sabrina both had their dads die recently. its freshfreshfresh on my heart and i read about it all the fucking time. maybe thats why. im just sad about it i guess. there is nothing new under the sun.

this saturday i almost just let Z go play video games with his friend. but instead im glad i told him it was the deathaversary. were gonna go to wrestlecircus instead. we're going to get lunch with todd beforehand. he was my dads best friend so itll be good. im glad i stuck up for myself.

im just sad i cant tell z to go play vidya. i know this date only comes once a year but i wish i could have more chill about it.

ive been sad which has made me feel hungry. or im just eating a bunch because i feel sad. idk. i hope it stops soon.

im sure saturday will pass and ill feel better. but until then here i am.